Sunday, December 9, 2012

Who's your daddy?

We've both been having a hard time with the pronoun issue. Sometimes, It's a matter of remembering. And sometimes it's a matter of decorum. Last night we were at a small party. Only a few people knew what was going on. Since R has only taken two doses of testosterone, he still appears female. Mind you – he's never been a particularly feminine woman. Or at least he isn't now. As a lesbian, he was definitely butch. But especially in a lesbian crowd, he appears female. It's pretty awkward of me to start referring to him as a she however, if people don't know. So he's kind of forced to come out, which can be awkward (again). And if he does come out, that's definitely going to be the topic of conversation.  I called him a "she" last night and felt bad about it. But I didn't know what else to do. On the way home, I mentioned this and said it was difficult and I felt bad about it. (It's also kind of confusing to switch back-and-forth between genders.) He said why don't you just not refer to me as anything? Just use my name. I got pretty upset (unfairly) because I felt like he was being dismissive and was angry at me for having referred to him as a she. (I have problems with anger).  Later he said he understood where I was coming from. Anyhow, I wish he could simply just come out and be done with it. I wish *we* could come out and be done with it. It's not like being gay where you don't really have to tell some of the first time you meet them. Unless of course it's a date. And when you do tell someone you're gay, it rarely leads to a litany of questions like, when did you know you we're gay? (When I first came out it did, but we're at such a different place in society and we live in the gay mecca of the world.) But the trans thing? That would be a big deal.  Oh and the title of this post? I was laughing this morning because R was was cuddling the dogs And saying, "mommy loves you." Even he has trouble with pronouns.

Photo by Elvert Barnes

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