I find myself looking at all kinds of guys all the time, trying to figure out who is trans. FTM's tend to pass So it's pretty much impossible to know. My FTM friends totally pass. Not sure why I do this. I thought it was just curiosity. But really I think it's about trying to figure out what R will actually look like. Last night I met someone who has lived as an FTM for a long time. Amazing guy. Compassionate, funny, brilliant, kind, charming -- and very masculine. As in there's Absolutely No Possible Way I would have figured out that he was an FTM. It was very cool and I have to admit, a little bit scary. Suddenly I started thinking about R. He's only three weeks into his testosterone. So close I don't see any changes yet. I told myself and everyone else that I will be completely fine with his masculinity. After all he's always had the heart and brain of a man. He's just been lacking a body. But that's a big thing. But there's a piece of me – a little buzzing in my stomach that says hmmm. That's all. It's just a feeling. Like a mystery has entered my life and I can't know how it will end.
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