Testosterone

I gave R his second injection today... As an aside it feels weird to call him a him. But in my heart, I already think of him as a man. Just in a body that isn't right. We made love last night. It was passionate and wonderful. The sex gets better and better. He's really let go. And maybe I have too.

We had our friend film it. I felt like i needed something to memorialize it. We talked about the fact that we didn't film the first injection. But now i'm convinced tht having a camera there would have changed it. It was really special though. The nurse was wonderful, a trans woman. When I realized she was trans, I immediately felt comfortable. No judgements and who better to understand what it is like to be trapped inside the wrong body? She told me to tell R how much I loved him and that with the medicine I was helping him to become the man he's always known he'd be.

Empowering. strangely. I kissed him and it felt right. Like I was part of it and sending him on a journey that we both were taking together.  

Today was more difficult. The needle hurt him and i felt terrible causing him pain. he was brave though.  I had gotten cocky about how great I am at giving shots. but I think I need to practice more.