Monday, February 24, 2014

He is a man. I am a woman. Together we are queer.

I just want to report that this weekend, A. and I went to a lesbian event together. I should said A., I and his beard attended a woman's event. I checked with the organizer and everyone was cool. It was a
HRC logo (I'm borrowing)
fundraiser as well. (Human Rights Campaign). Did people give us you know, the *look*?  A little. But I think they were more concerned about my woefully out-of-fashioned jeans (which I still rocked) than anything. Actually, I don't think anyone gave us funny looks because of who we were. I felt my usual social awkwardness (nothing to do with our status and noted that some of the women ignored me, but I'm pretty sure they were looking for dates or maybe I was just boring. In other words, it was no big deal. And I bet if someone had taken a poll, no one really would have cared that there were men there (including at least one transman). He's part of our community now. Cool. That's the thing: I never wanted to suggest that A. is still a woman. I just am suggesting that there's a special case for transmen who are with women who identify as queer. If a transguy is straight and with a heterosexual woman, he probably won't want to attend lesbian events. But finding a home somewhere in the queer community is really important to me—and to him. So thank you women and thank you HRC.


  1. Thank you for this entire blog! I just read the whole thing in one sitting. My partner recently told me she (we aren't there with the pronouns yet) wanted to start transitioning since she's been suffering from gender dysphoria her whole life. There seems to be a lack of information and support for long term (former) lesbian couples, one of whom is transitioning. Thank you!

  2. Thank you for this blog and your perspective. I needed this!

  3. I was searching for ftm blogs, but was delighted to find such great insight from your blog coming from the experience of a mostly lesbian-identified partner of a transman. You write beautifully.

    I feel for you. I know a couple who are both cis and appear to be a straight couple at first glance, but they are super queer. Even cisgender straight couples can be queer and there's nothing wrong with that.

    I'm not sure if my first attempt to comment went through. Sorry if this is a double post.

  4. I too wanted to thank you for writing this blog. There's little to no information/community/support for the partner. I know its not about us, it's about them but we have to go though the process also and it would be nice to have some more support. So thank you for writing.