tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post4589300995829251791..comments2022-04-01T00:52:45.928-07:00Comments on My life with a transman (FTM): Getting dumped on Valentine's DayAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02345335624720843559noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-86047899088974200772014-03-20T00:43:55.511-07:002014-03-20T00:43:55.511-07:00Oh wow! We lesbians are not close-minded because w...Oh wow! We lesbians are not close-minded because we want a women only dance.Her partner is ftm so we treat him as such, a male. If it's really a problem then we should stop having women only dances and have LGBT dances instead. That way EVERYONE can feel invited. Happy now?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-91137499254509195602014-02-17T15:15:13.467-08:002014-02-17T15:15:13.467-08:00Thanks Sam.Thanks Sam.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02345335624720843559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-41028020740283056232014-02-17T12:14:57.333-08:002014-02-17T12:14:57.333-08:00I'm not exactly sure how me wanting to go to a...I'm not exactly sure how me wanting to go to a lesbian dance with my partner means that I don't respect his male-ness. I completely accept it. He was a man before and he is now. And oh, I see. If my female-presenting partner transitions, then it means that I have to change my sexual orientation to take him seriously. Thanks. That's useful.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02345335624720843559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-255833673018104252014-02-15T13:04:37.683-08:002014-02-15T13:04:37.683-08:00hi there. You and your guy would be more than wel...hi there. You and your guy would be more than welcome at our PFLAG dance/prom, should we ever hold one. Sorry you had to go through this around Valentine's Day. :/ ~ SamAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-22553014203109278232014-02-15T11:57:25.765-08:002014-02-15T11:57:25.765-08:00Yeah, he didn't actually expect to be welcome;...Yeah, he didn't actually expect to be welcome; that's why he asked if it was okay. It's heartless to kick someone out of a community who has been part of that community for so long. This infighting in the queer community is so sad. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-12841789942485523342014-02-15T11:49:28.169-08:002014-02-15T11:49:28.169-08:00"There are many trans men who would disagree ..."There are many trans men who would disagree and resent a statement like this." Yes, I know. But they wouldn't be seeking to go to the dance, would they? I had no intention to slur someone's manhood, only to honor the trans man who does honor his past. And more than that, to give support to his spouse. Just because she chooses love for her mate over and against the fears and judgments of her lesbian community does not mean the community has to uphold the fear. They can grow if they choose to. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-15221639851156264842014-02-14T18:37:40.841-08:002014-02-14T18:37:40.841-08:00This rejection brings tears to my eyes. Places whe...This rejection brings tears to my eyes. Places where transgendered people can feel safe and comfortable enough to have a good time, to express themselves freely, and to communicate normally are challenging to find. When people who have experienced these same difficulties turn their backs on those looking for a safe haven, it might be time for a reevaluation of values and principles. Just because "the people attending expect to see women dancing with women" doesn't mean this same group couldn't adjust to having A there.Or B or C or D, either. Being a hard-liner against tender feelings makes everyone hard. Group think hasn't helped any cause for equality. I'm sorry you and A have had to experience this ridiculous display of narrow-mindedness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-19787308062651427162014-02-14T17:07:30.483-08:002014-02-14T17:07:30.483-08:00Then they should also allow other straight men in ...Then they should also allow other straight men in if he is allowed in. Yes he used to be a member of the community and clearly that really wasn't a fit for him and now he is living true to himself. That means women's only events are just that. If you allow men from the greater trans communities into women's only events, then to me other straight men should be allowed. It kind of just makes sense. He likes women, so do other straight men not of the GTC.<br />Rosalynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02268777298489682807noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-46725975013982046402014-02-14T15:34:40.316-08:002014-02-14T15:34:40.316-08:00I agree with the previous posters. I understand t...I agree with the previous posters. I understand that this has been your community, but it isn't now. A person that identifies as a man cannot expect to be welcome in woman only spaces. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-73979355554754003012014-02-14T14:17:44.931-08:002014-02-14T14:17:44.931-08:00"a transgender guy is a little bit more of bo..."a transgender guy is a little bit more of both sexes than your average dude"<br /><br />There are many trans men who would disagree and resent a statement like this. You can't demand to be respected for you are and then get your feelings hurt when people actually respect you. If anything this is showing a lack of respect for the needs of women identified women to have safe spaces of their own in this heteronormic and male dominated society. <br /><br />The writer of this blog says her partner is very much a dude with hair and muscle and all. Yet she doesn't understand how many women loving women who deal with dudes all the live long day might want to enjoy an evening without one around? This seems very selfish to me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-38729163550811690432014-02-14T13:47:43.405-08:002014-02-14T13:47:43.405-08:00It was a fundraiser for PFLAG. They should have op...It was a fundraiser for PFLAG. They should have opened their hearts and minds and looked more carefully at what their real intentions were. What they really want, I think, is a world where all people feel respected, safe and loved. If they had had the courage and the integrity to be a little different, and allow as how a transgender guy is a little bit more of both sexes than your average dude, and that a trans woman, is still a woman, even though she has a different history, they could have led the way to more harmony and love in the world. Instead they chose fear. The people who say you can't have it both ways, are limiting their vision and trying to see the world in black and white.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-10169677494948560962014-02-14T11:44:51.571-08:002014-02-14T11:44:51.571-08:00Sorry you are going through this.
However the danc...Sorry you are going through this.<br />However the dance is for women only. You yourself said your partner is a man. He is addressed as him, sir, not her or Ms. <br />You were/are a part of the lesbian community, but in this instance, the dance is "women-only" I'm sure your partner does NOT want to be considered a woman.<br />If not, then he can't attend, even after his years there.<br />He can't pick when he is a man or woman, just to suit him for an event. <br />I'm sorry, but...the organization was right.Jessienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-64477460025204320162014-02-14T11:26:37.356-08:002014-02-14T11:26:37.356-08:00With all due respect, the group is "women onl...With all due respect, the group is "women only" and the author's partner transgendered. It would seem they are asking for special exception but, in my opinion, you can't have it both ways. I would hope that there are transgendered couples groups they can join and I wish them lifelong happiness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-16847414100133367542014-02-14T09:48:11.410-08:002014-02-14T09:48:11.410-08:00I have to agree with Jim Hopkins. I'm sorry yo...I have to agree with Jim Hopkins. I'm sorry you feel excluded, but trans people have an uphill battle in mainstream society to be taken seriously as their identified gender. It doesn't help to have a trans man - who, presumably, wants to be treated as a full, equal male - arguing to have special privileges to be included in a female-only space. <br /><br />The author says "I understand wanting single-gendered spaces. I have nothing against them...", but going on to complain about men (and if they included one trans man, they'd have to include all trans men) not being included in this space seems to imply otherwise. <br /><br />It makes me wonder. The author, in not realizing why a womens-only space wouldn't accept a trans man (because they view him as an equal male?) and also as still ID-ing as a lesbian, seems to not take the male-ness of her spouse as seriously as the sponsors of the dance do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1669173682756807716.post-51542838615557103952014-02-14T08:38:20.465-08:002014-02-14T08:38:20.465-08:00The author raises fascinating questions about what...The author raises fascinating questions about what it means to be transgender. Unfortunately, though, she doesn't make a very convincing intellectual argument in favor of her position. I'm sympathetic to her feelings getting hurt, but that alone doesn't seem sufficient for the dance organizers to make an exception.Jim Hopkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16712746705871119746noreply@blogger.com